How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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