Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
