fuck your aforementioned shoe
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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