I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
