Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
