Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
no, he came in my armpit
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
