Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
