She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
