My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
