You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
