I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My hand turned me down
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
