I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
don't judge my taste in strippers
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
