but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
