Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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