Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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