I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
