Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
