Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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