i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
