like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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