Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
