He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
