I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
