I should be sponsored by Trojan
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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