He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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