I am puke
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
