Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
