Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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