I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
