Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
