her vagine was all disorganized.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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