He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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