Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
