the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
