Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
