guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
