Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
