I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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