We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
