OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
