id be glad to
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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