its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
