I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
