Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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