weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
