There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
