my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
