Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
