Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
