I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I need a burrito and a hug.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
