just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
